Does that title confuse you? I hope not! The past two weeks were the beginning of the end of this season of preparation. This season of preparation was a long and important phase. A phase full of learning to trust, growing personally, and letting go of my own expectations and plans for my life.
My subconscious is trying to help me improve in my areas of lack. I say that because I had my first panic dream this week. I hardly ever remember dreams. For this particular dream, for some reason I ended up in Malawi much earlier than I had planned. I realized I didn’t have any malaria medication and where I was staying didn’t have mosquito nets. I woke up in a panic.
At first, I didn’t understand why this was happening. I’m really and truly not worried about going to Malawi. I am beyond excited about this adventure and what God has planned for me through it, so the panic didn’t make sense. The more I thought about it and processed it though, I realized the panic stemmed from my lack of practical preparation.
In the past, I probably wouldn’t have even recognized the cause of my anxiety. I would have just continued to sit with it. Thinking, of course it is natural to feel stressed out about leaving for a year. I also would have continued to function under my status quo of disorganization and procrastination.
This is where the personal growth and trust in God comes in. Instead of sitting with my stress and anxiety I took steps. The next night after my dream before I went to sleep I prayed. I prayed for God to remove any anxiety I was feeling and to help me to understand where it was coming from. I had a great night of sleep and I felt empowered the next morning.
Instead of continuing to put things off, I made some purchases that will hopefully make my time in Malawi a little more comfortable. I made doctor’s appointments to get medication I will need for the year. I began the task of packing and organizing what I will bring with me.
Something I’ve learned in this season of preparation, is that just because our natural tendencies lack in certain areas doesn’t mean we have to just accept that. We don’t have to lean on our own strengths, but instead turn to God and seek his help. I have grown both spiritually and practically already through this adventure, and it’s still only the beginning of the end of the beginning!